Day 8

It’s been an interesting time. I’ve made about 40 bucks from selling lemons, to be addressed in a later blog (“an exercise in social humiliation”) ..and now here I sit. I’ve got 50 kgs of horse manure in the front yard and another 50 kgs in the back and I’m a few bucks short for the worms -but I’ll get there. I could get there by Friday.

I’m sitting here as winter presses more firmly into the house.  I can’t sit at the computer without a blanket or socks or a jersey.  I have on a jersey. I’m sitting here wondering what to write and there’s only one thing to write about. Him. Me (self centered blog).

I wrote about a boy once…and here I am thinking about him again. We’re going on 2 years. 2 years and 3 meetings. We’ve spoken every day since we parted. Every day.

Little could I have imagined 4 years ago, that the boy whistling the song from Kill Bill, who passed by me as I went up and down the stairs would be my future ..what? boyfriend. long distance love buddy?? my friend?anchor to reality.. my guy.

Here I am thinking about our beginnings and I feel like I don’t deserve it. Why? Because I am callous and fickle when the wind moves me. While he is constant and enduring. The light shining through the window. That’s him, always.

But I forget, when it suits me to be petulant.

All relationships require trust. A long distance relationship is like going through a tunnel,without knowing whether or not there’s a pile up at the end of it.

To him, there’s a girl. That girl is me. That’s what’s at the end of the tunnel. Me.

To me, there’s darkness and occasionally I see faint glimpses of a light shining through a window. I see that window and I know that that’s where I’m going …but I’m soon shrouded in darkness.

There’s nothing like when I’m with him. I’m happy. I can feel the shadow of happiness floating at the edge of my memory.

Long distance sucks.

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