Day 6

the evening you took the left over acid.

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Your own is that you’re scared to die. To die rubbish, nothing. To expire, To be killed. To be extinguished before you have made your own I have a dream speech. That they’ll finish you before you know what to dream for. You’re scared to die Nambahu, is that how you want to live? Your aim is to preserve your existence for its own sake. Imagine that. Don’t you want to be dangerous? To threaten your society’s comfort? I don’t want to steal or kill. I want to shout. and laugh. and dance. sleep in the open. I don’t want to be rich do I? Do I want to die a rich woman? Appealing. It means, that I had money. When did I get that money? At 30? What did I do with it? Traveled. Ate exotic foods. Funded educations. Lived under the sky. Ate fruit from the grounds.  You want to be nothing. And it terrifies you, because that’s not how it’s supposed to be. Your mother calls you special. Your father respects that you have a mind. All who meet you are left with that impression, there is something behind there. And it scares you that you will die without doing something with that something.

Wait. you’re not afraid to die, not really.  I laugh!  You’re scared to do things, to make your moves, be the center of a ripple. You’re scared of being alive.

What is it about being alive that scares you? Think on it. Alive. Means creation. Doing. Failing. Guilt. Wrongness. Persecution. Triumph. Victory. Fear. Madness. Madness. Madness. Being alone. Madness. Peace. Peace. Rest.

No wonder you’re scared if you have all that in store.

That’s what you think life is? No. Not really. Not always.

Death –   a permanent  cessation of all vital (see vital 1b) functions :  the end of life.

Alive – 1:  having life :  not dead or inanimate

  1. 2a :  still in existence, force, or operation :  active kept hope aliveb :  still active in competition with a chance of victory must win to stay alive in the playoffs

  2. 3:  knowing or realizing the existence of something :  sensitive alive to the danger

  3. 4:  marked by alertness, energy, or briskness his face came alive at the mention of food

  4. 5:  marked by much life, animation, or activity :  swarming streets alive with traffic

  5. 6—used as an intensive following the noun the proudest boy alive

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