so i have a thing about my dreams. i want them to mean something. for my waking life. like the time i dreamt that i was flying, through a forest. i was untethered and light and mobile and free. mostly i was beautiful and my own. i flew up and circled a clearing in the forest and i saw a white man emerge from the trees. i knew that he was looking at me. that he could see me. intuitively i was aware that he was my lover.

a few weeks later, at a farewell shindig for a German exchange student – i meet Emile and for 5 odd months that’s my waking life.


the other night –

i dreamt that i was taking a jog and told Lola (dog) that i would follow her anywhere she led. she led down a forest path, i hesitated and she left me behind. there was an old man there,  a security guard. we spoke some words and i told him i was afraid to go in after her. he told me that if i was afraid, i would never go in – gathered what looked like scuba gear and jumped down a well. leaving me behind. i walked down the path Lola had gone and i looked back at the entrance to see a lioness reclining, as if guarding the gate. she wasn’t threatening but still i was afraid and decided i might as well move forward. walking down that forest path i went past moss covered houses built into the trees and i walked with a family, a mother and her two children. behind me her son put his hand on my back and it was warm. very warm. i asked about it and he said – the water is hot. they had come from swimming. i finally arrived at the place. i knew this was where they had come from and where i was walking to. a hot spring well. i dived in and the heat saturated my skin, my face smarted but still i swam. it was beautiful. i love swimming and here i was in a well with algae covered walls, with life forms floating on the surface. i recall thinking that everything was alive. there were pictures of people with their profiles (names, ages, etc) flashing before me. and I noticed other people. and one man walking the perimeter of the well, conducting a lecture asked the swimmers and well visitors: “what happens when human beings get involved in the world?” i nervously answered: “destruction. when people play with toys, they get broken”.

i wonder what it means for my waking life.

now i want to know
“what happens when human beings get involved in the world?”


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